Fading Colors
by katrinadianne
Summary: Story is based on my OneShot "Colors." A lot of stuff will be added and there are some changes. Misaki is forced to leave Akihiko when the latter had an amnesia. Done but I'm writing an epilogue. :
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romantica.**

**Chapter 1**

**This is based on my OneShot "Colors." Due to a request that I really couldn't say no to, I decided to write it as a full length story. Some scenes will be added and there will be changes so please tell me if you have any reaction. I'll try my best to improve this story.**

Anyone who would have passed that hallway would think he is a weirdo – a young man in his early 20's, with chocolate brown hair and lustrous green eyes, staring solemnly at the door of that luxurious condominium. He had been standing there for an hour, occasionally touching the electronic lock** (1)**. He pretended so many times to key in the pin. It's not that it has changed. It's not that it has a new owner. It is just that the lord of that condo does not live there anymore. Outside, the rain began pouring heavily.

He debated once more whether to go in or not before deciding to let himself in. He carefully keyed in the pin and turned the knob. The overly familiar feeling of being inside the condo brought some nostalgia. It was still the same. Nothing was changed. Haruhiko had kept his promise of maintaining the place until its original master comes back. _As if he will_, he thought.

Misaki didn't even care to open the lights. He made his way across the living room and into the bear room where he was greeted by hundreds of bear that the master of the house had left. He sat beside the largest and lovingly called its name. "Suzuki-san, I hope you don't mind. I'm just paying a little visit." He hugged it, smelling the familiar scent of his former lover.

"You know…" He choked as he tried to keep himself from crying. "I saw Usagi-san this morning. He's more handsome than before. And… and when he smiled, I thought the world had stopped spinning. He was just so gorgeous… but, I felt sad. You know why?" he paused for a while as if expecting some answer. "His smile was not for me. He was smiling at his fiancée. You don't know her… Natsumi. She was really beautiful… They… they look good together, she and Usagi-san." He felt his chest tightened.

Misaki buried his face into Suzuki-san's furry chest; tears began flowing from his eyes. "I'm sorry we left you here alone. I'm always outside, you know. I wait there every day, hoping that one day… Usagi-san will come back… It was my decision to stay away from him… I know… but, somewhere deep inside me I…" He heaved a sigh then mumbled, "I was hoping that he would remember me… us… "

"Well," he forced a smile. "It's impossible now. He… found his new love and… and he could start a normal family now…"

His sobs turned into a cry. He let his tears pour, wishing that the pain would just go away. Inside the small bear room, the memories of the past three years came haunting him.

…

"Oi, Misaki…" He heard Akihiko called. "We're almost there. Wake –" The sentence was interrupted with a loud crash and he felt his body being thrown against the door of the car. He felt hot liquid flowed from his forehead down to his cheeks. He knew something went wrong and he wanted to open his eyes at that moment. But, it his eyelids felt even heavier. The last thing he felt was a cold hand holding his and Akihiko calling him in a very weak voice. Then, he slipped into unconsciousness.

…

"Niichan…"

Takahiro looked up and turned to Misaki. He smiled widely when he saw his brother's eyes opened.

"You're awake! Thank God, you're awake!" He sat at the edge of the hospital bed.

"W-what happened…"Misaki asked, his hands touching his head wrapped in bandages.

"Well…" Takahiro sighed before continuing. "You and Usagi got involved in an accident. The car on your left – "

"Usagi-san!" Misaki cut through what he was saying and shot right up as if realizing something. He grabbed his brother's sleeves. "Niichan! Where's Usagi-san? He's okay, right?" Tears started to form in the corner of his eyes.

"Usagi is…" Takahiro hesitated, partly confused at how his brother was acting. "He's in a coma right now."

"Nii-chan… I need to see him…" Misaki tried to stand up but Takahiro pushed him back to bed.

"Misaki, calm down. He's in the ICU, right now."

"Niichan… I'll wake him up… he has to… It was my fault. He was trying to wake me up 'coz I was so drunk and then… I… I was…" He kept talking incoherently, struggling from his Takahiro's grip.

"Misaki…" Takahiro shook him. "Calm down. What's wrong with you?" He said softly but his brother kept on struggling and saying incoherent words. He was getting frustrated that he was not able to control his voice. "Misaki! I said calm down!" He shouted. He was really worried at Misaki's action. Misaki, probably shocked at his shouting, stared at him with tear-glazed eyes.

"Niichan…" Tears slowly flowed from his brother's eyes and he cried. Takahiro is not sure why he had been acting like that, he felt like he knew but he couldn't process it at the moment. What he was sure of is that his brother needed comforting; he pulled him into a tight hug.

"I'll talk to his father," Takahiro said softly. "Let's see if you can visit him… just take some rest, for now, okay?" He was answered with a low hum and he felt Misaki relax a bit. When he felt his breath evened, he carefully laid him down the bed.

"Takahiro…" It was Manami. She was carrying a cup of coffee. He smiled at her to hide his weariness but she saw right through it. "Is there something wrong?"

He caressed his brother's brown locks. "Misaki woke up… and he – he panicked when I told him that Usagi is still in a coma. I'm worried…"

…

Misaki woke up alone in the hospital room the following day. He was hoping that it was just a bad dream, but it wasn't. The accident was real and Akihiko is in a coma. He tried to suppress the sobs that are threatening to escape from his mouth as he thought of his lover.

The door opened, revealing Takahiro. Walking beside him is a tall doctor with raven hair and blue eyes. He thought he looked familiar but couldn't quite recall where he had seen him.

"Misaki!" His brother greeted. "Good morning!"

Misaki forced a smile. "Good morning, Niichan…"

"This is Dr. Kusama. He's here for the rounds."

"Hello, Misaki! How are you feeling today?" Dr. Kusama asked in a very gentle way.

"Uhmm… I think I'm fine." Misaki tried to sound cheerful but failed.

Dr. Kusama checked something on his chart then smiled. "It says here that if you may check out the day after tomorrow."

"How about Akihiko-san?"

"Eh?"

"Usami Akihiko-san… how is he?"

"Oh… Usami-san… Well, don't worry. He's out of danger now. But, he's still in a coma. We don't know yet when he'll wake up."

He felt relieved with the doctor's answer. "Thank you, Dr. Kusama…" he smiled a genuine smile.

"You're welcome. I have to go now… I still have to check on the other patients." He turned to Takahiro. "Just make sure he gets a lot of rest."

"Thank you, Dr. Kusama."

With that, the brothers were left alone in the room. Takahiro sat on the chair beside the bed and started peeling an apple.

"Niichan, I'm sorry for causing you trouble." Misaki said looking down on the bed sheets.

"Whoever said you're being a trouble? You're my brother. It's only natural that I take care of you at times like this."

"Thank you…"

There was a long silence before Takahiro spoke again. "Misaki… There's something I want to ask you. But, if you're not comfortable in answering it, then you don't have to." His face was very serious.

"What is it, Niichan?"

"You and Usagi… What's between the two of you?"

Misaki stared at his brother, shocked. His lips fell partly apart. _There's gotta be something wrong with my hearing… Niichan can't be asking that sort of thing…_

"Niichan! What kind of question is that? What made you think that Usagi-san and I are…" He was not able to finish his sentence as he felt his blood went up to his head.

"Misaki… It's alright if you don't want to answer."

"Niichan…" Misaki thought for a while. He would have lied and Takahiro might believe it. But, he decided to do the opposite. "Niichan… You won't… get mad if I tell you the truth?"

Takahiro gave a warm smile. "Of course not! I just want you to tell me the truth."

"Usagi-san and I are… we are…" tears stubbornly fell from his eyes as he said the words. "Usagi-san and I are in love with each other…"

**For suggestions and corrections, I'm open to them… Please leave a little review. It will help me a lot in finishing this. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romantica.**

**Thank you for the reviews for the first chapter. I'm finding a way to keep the original story. But, there's a scene I really wanted to add. "Bear room scene." ^^V I don't know if my replies were sent 'coz I'm having a connection problem last night.**

**Here's my general message: Thank you very much. I hope you enjoy. I'll try to improve both the story and my writing skill. So please bear with me. Thank you!**

**Chapter 2**

"Usagi-san and I are… we are… Usagi-san and I are in love with each other…" Misaki's voice was trembling and tears started rolling down his cheeks. He buried his face on his hands and cried. The words he said resounded in Takahiro's mind that he was left speechless for some time. Except for the faint sobs, the older of the brothers felt like the room suddenly fell silent.

Takahiro was half expecting that answer. He had rehearsed several times of what his reaction would be. He doesn't want Misaki to feel awkward about the situation. He wanted to tell him that he understood. But, somehow, hearing those words coming from his own brother still sent a shock through his nerves. Deciding to cut the awkward silence, he cleared his throat and spoke, "Misaki… I'm…"

"Niichan, sorry…" Misaki cut in. "You must be really disappointed with me… but I really love Usagi-san."

"You don't have to say sorry." Takahiro's voice was warm and soothing. "I'm glad you told me the truth."

Misaki stopped sobbing as he heard his brother's words. He looked up and stared at him. He looked into his eyes, still not believing that he wasn't mad. "Niichan?"

"I'm actually expecting that answer." Takahiro chuckled. He lifted his hands and ruffled Misaki's brown locks, reassuring him that he understands. "At least half expecting… I've noticed it a long time ago. Whenever we go out with Usagi, you give him too much attention and you just seem so happy when you're with him. Well, at first, I wanted to deny it… but, I think you and Usagi really loved each other, so there's nothing I can do about it but to accept."

"EH? Niichan?" Misaki was surprised. "I always thought you were dense!"

Takahiro pouted. "That's not a very nice thing to say, Misaki… But, yeah… I must admit I'm a little dense. But, not when it comes to you. You know how much I love you. And, you had always been the type who would never tell me when there's a problem. So, in order to take good care of you, I've learned to be attentive around you."

"Niichan… thank you…" Misaki felt warm. All his worries that Takahiro might hate him for loving Akihiko vanished.

"Misaki, you had always been a good kid. You deserve to be happy, and if being happy means you being with Usagi then I have no right to take that away from you. I bet Usagi will take good care of you. He had always been a kind person."

"Niichan… you talk like I'm some girl that needs to be taken care of by her boyfriend."

He laughed at his younger brother's comment. That's how he sees Misaki in a relationship with Akihiko because the latter had always been manly in every aspect. He set the apple and knife down and sat at the edge of the bed. Hugging Misaki he said, "You're precious to me Misaki. And I will never want you to get hurt. Whenever you're with Usagi, you just look so happy… that's why it's alright with me if you two will end up together. As long as you're happy, it's okay with me."

He pulled away from the hug when he heard the door open. "Ah… that must be Manami."

Manami walked in with someone walking behind her, a man with raven hair wearing a business suit. His expression was stern. Just like when Misaki first saw him. Misaki stiffened as he recognized him. _Usagi-ani! What is he doing here?_

"Ah! Misaki-kun! I'm glad you're awake… Someone's here to see you." Manami greeted cheerfully, unaware of Misaki's sudden uneasiness.

"Misaki, for you." He smiled as he handed the bouquet of white roses. The teen accepted the bouquet and gave a little "Thank you." He then turned to Takahiro. "Good morning. I'm Usami Haruhiko, Akihiko's older brother." He held out his hand.

Takahiro took his hand. "Ah… Akihiko's brother. I'm glad to finally meet you! I'm Takahiro."

"Yes, I know that already since I've made a research about Misaki."

Misaki gave out a tensed laugh. "Ahaha… ha… Niichan, don't mind what he said. That was a joke, right, Haruhiko-san?"

"It's not." Haruhiko said bluntly.

"Ah… I see you find Misaki as an interesting kid." Takahiro's face was bright and cheerful as he said this. _There goes my airhead brother._ Misaki thought.

"You could say that. But, mainly it's because I lo-"

"WAAAH! Haruhiko-san!" Misaki's face was flushed. He mustered all his strength to shout just to stop Haruhiko from what he was saying. He felt dizzy afterwards and slumped back to his bed. He was getting stressed more than he should with the older of the Usami's around.

Takahiro readily came to his side. "Misaki, why are you so worked up? The doctor said you should relax."

"Niichan, sorry… don't worry. I'm okay." He turned to Haruhiko. "Haruhiko-san, thank you for visiting me."

"It's nothing. I wanted to know you're alright. And I heard you'll be out of the hospital tomorrow so I wanted to see you before you go."

"Uhmm… Haruhiko-san, how's Usagi-san?" He asked. He was uncomfortable asking the older of the Usami's about Akihiko for he knew of the former's feelings for him. But, he's really eager to know of Akihiko's condition.

"The doctor's said he'll be waking up soon. His condition's progressing fast." Haruhiko said, looking outside the window. He did not see when the young man's face lit up, saving him from getting hurt.

"I'm glad…" Misaki whispered.

"If you want to see him, I'll be happy to accompany you."

"Really? Can I go visit him now?"

Haruhiko smiled. "Sure."

…

Misaki was brought by Haruhiko to Akihiko's room with a wheelchair. The older of the brothers insisted that he go there on a wheelchair so as not to get too tired walking. As Haruhiko turned the knob, opening Akihiko's room, Misaki felt his heart ran fast. He was excited to see Akihiko, but, he's also scared. He doesn't know how badly Akihiko got hurt.

Haruhiko, probably sensing his distress, put his hand on Misaki's shoulder. "It's alright Misaki. I'm just here. Are you ready to go in?" The slight nod from Misaki was his go signal. He opened the door and wheeled him in.

Misaki was greeted by the smell of antiseptic. On the lone bed of the room, there was Akihiko, lying flatly. He looked pale and fragile but still handsome. He looked smaller than his real size with the white blanket covering him. Misaki somehow hated the tubes and wires sticking out of his lover's skin. _Those needles might be hurting Usagi-san, _he thought as tears started rolling down his cheeks. He knew he'd wake up soon. But, still, he couldn't help but worry. He wanted Akihiko to open his eyes at that very moment, to look at him lovingly with his lavender eyes again.

He tried to get as close as he can to the man. He held his large hand, still as cold as it was before the accident. "Usagi-san," he almost choked while he tried to suppress his sob. "Wake up already. You're still as lazy as ever. Are you trying to avoid your manuscripts deadline? Wake up… already or… Aikawa-san will kill you…" He placed a light kiss to the man's hand. "I love you, Usagi-san. I'll wait until you wake up."

**And that is chapter 2 for you… Thank you for reviewing the first chapter. Please tell me if there's something you don't like. Or if you think that the story has a very slow pace. I'll try to delete some scenes I've already created if that's the case. You're comments are very important.**

**And sorry for the slow update. I got loads of homework. And my school org's bugging me with a team-building activity. And, my own dad gave me an assignment… so yeah… that's university life for me. Hehe I hope you'll have patience.**

**Scene change is signified with "…"**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica**

**Chapter 3**

Misaki moved to Takahiro's house after he got out of the hospital due to the latter's persistent plea to stay with him while Akihiko is in a coma. He had no choice but to obey his over-protective brother. But, every other day, he would visit the condo to make sure that the eels and marimos are okay. After school, he would also visit Akihiko and stay there until visiting hours is over. It had been his daily routine and Haruhiko and Fuyuhiko had been more than happy to have him as they don't have much time to really look after Akihiko.

Misaki had no problem until one night, while he was walking down the corridors of the hospital, his vision started to blur and he felt dizzy. He lost his footing and was about to hit the floor when strong arms caught him. He heard his name being called but no strength was left of him to answer. He didn't even have the chance to recognize who his savior was as he slipped into unconsciousness.

When he woke up, he was, again, in a hospital bed. He recognized it readily due to the white walls, white sheets and the smell of antiseptics. But, instead of his brother being there beside him, it was Haruhiko. The man was sleeping, slouched over the edge of the bed. It was the first time that he had seen the usually stern face in a peaceful state. The Usami brothers were different in features, but, their somehow alike in so many ways. They both look confident, strong and overbearing when awake, but so vulnerable when sleeping. _Why wasn't I born with that kind of features? I'd be Adonis-like. _He thought. _I'd be able to attract so many girls, instead of perverted Usami's._

He tried to sit up, careful not to wake Haruhiko up. But, the latter seemed to be far more sensitive than Akihiko as he woke up at the slightest movement that Misaki made. He looked up on Misaki and smiled. "I'm glad you're awake."

"Uhhmh… Haruhiko-san, what happened?"

"You fainted last night."

"Eh? Last night? You mean…" he looked at the digital clock on the side table. It was already 3:00 am. "Oh, no… my brother might be freaking out, right now!"

"Don't worry. I already called him. Figured you don't want him to worry so I told him you fell asleep and I bought you to our house."

"Thank you, Haruhiko-san. And, sorry for troubling you."

"No worries. They will be running some tests for you later so go to sleep." Haruhiko ordered.

"Oh no… no need for that." Misaki forced a smile. "I'm fine really. I think it's just fatigue."

"I insist you take the tests or I won't let you leave this hospital."

"Haruhiko-san, I don't want to cause you further trouble. You've done enough for me."

"I'm not doing this for you." Haruhiko looked away. He was partly lying of course. He insited because he was so worried of Misaki. But, he was also doing it for his brother. "You said once that there's a possibility that I like Akihiko…" He paused for awhile, adjusting his glasses. "When, we nearly lost him due to the accident, I realized that you were right. Somehow, I did like my brother. I've done so many wrongs to him in the past and the only way that I could do to make up to him is to take care of you and everything that he has until he wakes up."

Misaki smiled. "I bet Usagi-san will be glad to hear that."

"Don't tell him."

"Okay, it will be our little secret, Haruhiko-san."

Haruhiko smiled at this - a secret just between him and Misaki. Since the day of the accident, he decided to give up on Misaki as long as Akihiko would live. But, he couldn't just stay away from the teen. For some reasons, he wanted to stay as a friend for him.

…

A series of tests were ran to Misaki and by the afternoon, he was already facing the doctor, waiting patiently as the latter read through the results. Haruhiko was also there. Despite Misaki's reassurance that he could take care of himself from there, the older man insisted on knowing the results.

The doctor gave out a sigh which made Misaki worry. _Is there something wrong with me?_ He felt a warm hand over his. He looked at Haruhiko but the latter was facing the doctor.

"Dr. Nakano, is there something wrong?" It was Haruhiko.

"Well," the doctor started. There was a long pause before he added, "I don't know how I should say this… but, Misaki…" He turned his gaze from the results to the teen. "There are blood clots that are forming in the nerves of your eyes. It must be due to the head trauma you received from the car accident."

"W-what will happen then?" Misaki asked nervously.

The doctor cleared his throat. "You will eventually lose your sight…"

Misaki's lips fell open and his eyes widened in shock. The doctor's words couldn't seem to process that much in his brain. He just couldn't believe it.

"Then why was he released from the hospital if there's a problem like that?" Haruhiko's voice boomed on the four corners of the room.

"Usami-san, please calm down." The doctor said in a still composed manner. "The blood clots are gradually forming, so it wasn't seen on its early stage."

Misaki tried to suppress the tears that are threatening to roll down from his lustrous green eyes. "Is there… is there any way to cure it?" he choked at his words.

"I'm sorry… but, there's no operation yet that could prevent it."

"How…" He choked as he felt a lump on his throat. His felt his chest tightened and it was getting more and more difficult to prevent himself from crying. He pulled up some air and some courage to ask, "How much time before I… become blind?"

"There's no definite time. Maybe a year, two years, three…" the doctor said. There was sympathy in his voice. But, it did not help to ease the burden that Misaki felt.

Misaki mustered all his strength just to stand up. He felt oddly weak but he just had to get away before he burst into tears. "I-I'm sorry. But… I think I have… to go…" He walked away with his shoulders dropped.

Haruhiko grabbed him by his arm, but he shoved it away. "Ha-haruhiko-san… please let me be alone for now…" He pleaded. The older man seemed to understand as the grip on his arm loosened. He walked away from the hospital, not really sure of where he would go.

…

Haruhiko felt the pain in Misaki's voice so he decided to let him go. But, he was too worried of what he might do so he decided to follow him from a safe distance.

The kid was obviously walking aimlessly. He stopped in front of a Manga store then went him. Haruhiko watched from the glass window. The former was flipping through a Manga with a goofy looking cook on the cover. There was a smile that formed for a second but, as fast as it had formed, it also vanished readily. He wondered what it was he was looking at.

Haruhiko hid at an alley when Misaki went out of the shop. Again, the aimless walking resumed. Misaki stopped again at some shop. He didn't go inside though. Instead, he stared at something from outside. He touched the glass window for a moment, and then gave out a sad smile before continuing his walk. When Haruhiko passed the shop, he realized what the teen was looking at – it was a giant bear.

The sun had already set when they reached Misaki's house. The kid stared at the house for a long time before he finally went inside. Haruhiko stayed until he was sure that Misaki won't be coming out to take another aimless walk. He called to his driver to fetch him up. He would have to take some rest due to the long walk and think of how he could help Misaki.

…

Takahiro and Manami were already home when he arrived. He tried to force a smile as he greeted, "I'm home!" he would have to act cheerfully in front of them so as not to stir up some worry.

"Welcome home!" The couple greeted back in unison. Manami was at the kitchen cooking dinner while Takahiro was at the living room watching the evening news.

"You're just in time, Misaki-kun!" It was Manami. "The dinner is almost cooked."

"Neesan, I'm sorry… but, I already ate with Haruhiko-san." He lied. He would have to avoid both his brother and Manami at the moment. He could make his brother believe that he's alright. But, not Manami. She's a very sensitive person and he knew that dinner would not pass without her noticing that there's something wrong with him. The best way to hide his problem is to avoid the couple altogether. Of course he's well aware that he would have to tell it to them soon. But, it wasn't the right time yet.

Manami seemed unconvinced by his lie but she seemed to understand that he needed some time alone.

"It's alright, Misaki-kun." She gave him a warm smile. "Why don't you take some rest? You seemed so tired."

"I will, Neesan. Thank you! Goodnight, Niichan!" he said cheerfully, keeping up his act. He went straight to his room and flopped himself onto the bed. He curled and hugged his knees to his chest s he let his tears fall freely. "Usagi-san…" he muttered. "What will I do now?" Misaki fell asleep with tears trickling down his eyes.

…

Misaki was awakened by the ringing of his phone. He looked over at the clock on his room's side table. It says 8:30. It was the first time he didn't mind waking up late. He yawned as he sat up. Flipping his phone, he greeted groggily, "Hello…"

"Misaki," it was Haruhiko. "I have good news for you. Akihiko's awake."

Misaki smiled genuinely. But, it faded as soon as Haruhiko said, "There's something though… he's got amnesia."

The phone fell out of Misaki's hand, landing with a faint flop on the bed. He heard Haruhiko called out his name from the other line. But, he remained staring at the wall of his room. Again, he cried, and this time, he didn't care if anyone would hear him.

**Another chapter down. Akihiko will have an active appearance one to two chapter's from now. Please be patient… **

**And again, thank you for the reviews. I'm truly grateful that although this story is some kind of cliché, there are still people reading it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica**

**For the readers of this story, I'm sorry it took this long to update. This is kinda like a transition chapter so I had difficulty in deciding whether this is enough or not. I actually wrote this two weeks ago… Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 4**

Haruhiko stared intently at the brown-haired teen in front of him. They were sitting inside a family diner. It was his first time at a place like that. He heard once that it was fun to eat at family diners since you get to see a lot of people eating happily. But, after hearing what the teen had said, he failed to notice the happy aura of the place. Throughout the whole conversation, the teen didn't look at him. He was just looking down at his parfait or at the table or outside. He looked anywhere but his eyes.

Haruhiko heaved a sigh before asking, "Why?" His gaze was still fixed at the boy.

"Ah… I-it's because…" Misaki's voice trembled. _He was obviously holding something in, _Haruhiko thought.

"Haruhiko-san, y-you know how you s-said b-before… that soon I'd get tired of A-Akihiko-san… I mean, I really do have to put up with everything he does…" His voice trailed. "I… I think… this is my chance… to get away from h-him… without worrying t-that I might be… hurting him…" He then laughed nervously. "I mean, he doesn't remember me now! Isn't it convenient that we go our separate ways?"

"You're lying." The boy returned his gaze with wide eyes. It was his turn to look away. "You're going away because of your condition." A long silence between the two of them followed. It was then that he had noticed the noise that surrounded them - the clank of spoons and forks against plates, the endless chatter of people around them, the laugh of kids running around.

"Haruhiko-san," it was Misaki who broke the silence. His eyes were glazed with unshed tears. "Akihiko-san will have no use of someone like me. Years from now, I'll be nothing but a useless blind man." There was no response from the older man. He wasn't really sure of what to say, so he decided not to talk.

There was another yet long silence before Misaki continued, "You know how my parents died in a car accident, right?"

Haruhiko winced as he felt the pain in the teen's voice. Of course he knew about it. He had researched well on Misaki's life before. But, hearing the story from the boy himself made him understand how painful the incident had been.

"It was my fault why they died."

"It wasn't your-"

"Maybe not directly…" Misaki gave a weak smile. "A lot of people had said that to me. That's why I never told them how I feel. But, please don't say it to make me feel better. I had been thinking about it since I was a kid. If I didn't tell them to go home fast, they wouldn't have sped up the highway on that rainy night… They should've been alive 'til now. Niichan would have never had to give up his studies just to raise me up. I promised myself I'd never be a trouble to anyone… especially to the people I loved most…"

"I – I would just be a burden for Akihiko-san if I'd stay with him…"

Haruhiko was left speechless. He never knew how to console someone in pain. He never received warmth from anyone before except from Misaki. So he didn't know what to say. So he did the only thing he could do. He held the teen's hand that was resting on the table tightly.

"Where," he cleared the lump that started to form in his throat. "Where will you stay then?"

"At my brother's…" Misaki feigned a cheerful voice. "We've already talked about it… I've told him everything…"

Seeing Misaki in so much pain, Haruhiko wanted to punch his brother for having amnesia. He had given up on Misaki just to give way for their happiness. But he felt like his brother had screwed up everything by forgetting his past. At that moment, he wished once again that he was Misaki's love. He wished he could protect him from all the pain. But, he couldn't do it. He knew of only one person who could make Misaki happy. It was Akihiko. The least he could've done is made sure they end up together happy. Assessing the situation, he figured he couldn't do anything.

"My father won't agree with this…" he mumbled. "He has already entrusted Akihiko to you…"

"I know… and I know that my decision is a fruit of my cowardice… But, Haruhiko-san, I'd rather be a coward than be a burden for Akihiko-san… He doesn't remember anything from his past…" the teen felt pain in his chest as he said this. "He could have a fresh start. All the pain he had felt is now erased. He won't be needing me anymore."

"What if he remembers?"

"If he remembers, then… I'll have to go as far as I can so he won't be able to reach me." The teen stared back at Haruhiko with his eyes full of conviction. "Haruhiko-san, this is what's best for us. I might be asking for too much. But, could you please help me with this?"

Against his will he said, "I'll help you move your things tomorrow if that's what you really want."

…

Misaki took all his things from Akihiko's condo - his clothes, his books, Akihiko's gifts for him, even their pictures. He made sure that there wasn't anything that might remind his lover of his existence. Before he left, he had asked Haruhiko to take care of the marimos and eels. The latter promised that he would take care of everything.

Misaki never showed up at the hospital again. He got news about Akihiko through either Haruhiko or news on television. There wasn't any information about him having amnesia. A year after Akihiko's recovery, he first appeared in public through a press conference. In another year, he was back to writing books.

With all those years, Misaki didn't really stay far. He would just watch from a distance. Every gathering, affair, or book signing that Akihiko attended, he was present. But, he made sure that the man will not see him. It had hurt to witness Akihiko moving on while he was left with the past. But, he wanted to make most out of the time that he could see the writer. He wanted to see his smiles, his lavender eyes, his graceful movements, even just from afar, until he could no longer see.

Almost every day, after school and even when he graduated from the university and got a job, he would go to the condo. He never went inside. Most of the time, he would just stand outside the door, stare at it, and wish that its landlord would come out and hug him. Of course, it never happened. The condo remained empty because Akihiko never returned. He had stayed in the Usami mansion as what Haruhiko had told him.

One day, Takahiro told him that they will move to Osaka. With that, he decided to see Akihiko for the last time. He went to the book signing for the latter's most recent book. Just like before, he watched from afar. Fans started squealing when a beautiful woman approached the handsome writer. The woman was Natsumi – his rumored fiancée.

Misaki was hurt at what he saw. Akihiko had smiled at her the way he used to smile at him. It was genuine and warm. He couldn't stand the sight of them smiling and flirting with each other, whispering words that he will never know what. He ran away from the place without looking back.

After hours of wandering in the streets, he found himself, once again, in front of Akihiko's condo. He went in knowing that it was the last time that he would ever see the place. Inside, he wept with his face buried at the giant bear's chest. He fell asleep not knowing that the lord of the place is on his way to the top floor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

**Sorry for the late update. I've thought about this scene over and over again before writing so… I hope you enjoy!**

**And by the way, thank you so much for the reviews! I love them!**

**Chapter 5**

Akihiko held the knob firmly, debating with himself whether to go in or not. His brother had brought him there after he had recuperated from the accident. That was three years ago. It had been a terrible experience. The moment he stepped in, he felt nostalgia and emptiness.

He was expecting to find someone in that apartment at that time, though he doesn't remember. But, he was disappointed when all he found was an empty condominium, an insanely luxurious condominium with no one but him living. There wasn't any sign the he had ever been with someone. He asked Haruhiko, hoping that his brother would tell him that, yes, he did have a housemate once. But, his brother kept quiet and averted his gaze. That time, he stepped out of the condo and ran back to their car, ran away from the lonely place and never came back until now.

He must have lived a lonely life before the accident, living all on his own. The condo just seemed like a lonely place. That's why he decided to live his life not trying to remember the past. He was scared that he might remember something awfully lonely. It worked for him. He got back to writing, lived a fairly normal life, and bonded well with his father and his brother. And now, he's soon to get married with a woman his father had chosen for him.

Everything went smoothly until his eyes lay upon that green-eyed young man. He was just too familiar, those lonely green eyes that stared at him. It made him feel that forgetting the past was a wrong decision. He felt confused and lost. He didn't know what to do. The only thing that came to his mind is go back to the condo. And maybe, just maybe, he would find a clue about the young man.

Although he's reluctant, he still turned the knob and went inside. Slowly, he walked through the living room. It was dimly lit by the moonlight sipping through the large windows. The sky was colored a beautiful royal blue, clear after the heavy rain. He turned his gaze to the kitchen. _Someone must have cooked a delicious meal in there… at some point in time._ That is what he felt.

_Usagi-san…_

He felt his chest tighten as a familiar voice called inside his head. The nostalgia, the sadness – all coming back from the past as he roamed around the apartment. The first door he opened, he supposed was the master's bedroom. There was a large bed at the center with countless toys hanging from the ceiling and scattered on the floor. With the light off, they made grim shadows that somehow frightened Akihiko.

Akihiko turned on the light and walked through the pile of toys. He sat on the bed, running his fingers through the sheet.

_I love you… maybe…_

His head hurt as another faint memory came. He felt like suffocating as tears flowed from his eyes down to his cheeks. He stood up and hurriedly went out the room. He had to get out. That's what he'll do. He'll run away from that place and maybe never comeback.

As he was making his way down the stairs, he noticed a faint light coming from one of the rooms. _Someone else is in here?_ He thought as walked to the lighted room.

His heart thumped loudly as he slowly opened the door. There he saw the young man, sleeping while hugging a stupidly large bear.

…

Misaki stirred as he felt a light touch on his face, a familiar cold hand stroking his cheek. "Usagi-san…" He muttered.

Dreaming. He must be dreaming. He missed that called touch. For three years, he imagined his former lover touching him the way he feels now. It felt good, cold and warm at the same time. Only Akihiko can make him feel that way.

Slowly, he opened his eyes while wishing that the dream would last. Lavender eyes greeted him. They were looking at him with so much longing.

His eyes grew wide as his mind recognized what was happening. _Usagi-san! Usagi-san is in front of me!_ He stood up, unsure of what to say or what to do next. Akihiko also stood up and just stared at him. There was a long silence. Each second seemed like forever for Misaki as he gazed into those lovely lavender eyes.

"Who are you?" It was Akihiko who had the courage to break the silence first.

"I… I'm…" He stuttered. "I'm… I'm a… a friend of Haruhiko."

"What are you doing here?"

_What am I doing here? I don't know…_ He thought as his mind searched for a plausible excuse.

…

_This kid is a friend of Haruhiko?_ The thought made him want to punch his brother. He felt jealous. But does he have the right? He doesn't know.

"What are you doing here?"

"I… He…" The young man stuttered. Akihiko could feel how nervous the young man was.

"Do we know each other?" He asked without waiting for an answer for his previous question. He was expecting a good answer for the last one, hoping that he would answer truthfully. But, he was disappointed when the kid answered.

"No… No, we don't know each other." He said without looking at him.

_He's definitely lying._ Akihiko thought. "You're lying."

The young man's mouth fell partly apart as he said those words.

"I saw you," Akihiko continued. "You were at my book signing today."

Another long silence.

"I'm pretty happy with how my life was going until I saw you."

…

"_I'm pretty happy with how my life was going until I saw you."_

Those words echoed inside Misaki's head. They penetrated like tiny needles into every flesh of his body and went straight to his chest.

"Everything felt right before you showed up. Now you got me confused. like everything I did was wrong."

_I'm being a trouble for him… again… _

"I…" He tried to speak but it felt like there was a huge lump that formed in his throat. And hell it hurt. His throat hurt. And breathing became difficult. "I… I'm sorry…" He hurriedly walk past Akihiko while tears stubbornly fell from his eyes.

_A few more steps._ A few more steps and he'll be out of that room, away from his former lover, just another three big steps when a large hand grabbed his arm and spun him around. Before he knew it, soft lips were hungrily kissing him.

**For those who have read "The Naked Boy in the Bear Room", this scene was my inspiration for that story. Yes, I've thought of this a long time ago. I just don't know how to write it in a better way.**

**Thank you again!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

**Two or Three chapters left to wrap up this story. Thank you for all the reviews. I'm sorry for the late updates. I'm kinda out of ideas plus regular semester has already started. So my time is taken by both my part-time job and school. But, I'm also making time to finish this story. **

**Chapter 6**

A familiar surge of pleasure came rushing through every inch of his body as their lips touched. He knew that sweet intoxicating taste, that strawberry scent, that comforting warmth when his body pressed against the younger male. His arms wrapped tightly around the lithe body as a memory struck him – a memory of a snowy night, swirling emotions, and a kiss under a lamp post. That night that was sealed their fate. It was a blurry memory that his heart knew so well but his mind couldn't clear out.

In the middle of his confused and dazed feeling, there is also the feeling of familiarity. It's like their lips were meant to touch that way.

That his arms were made to protect that fragile body.

That his heart was meant to beat so fast when he's near.

He felt the other respond to his kiss. But, that was just momentary bliss as the nest thing he knew, he was being pushed away. He backed a few steps from the younger male. His lavender eyes caught sight of tear-glazed green ones.

"I… I'm sorry." There was regret and pain in the younger male's voice. And Akihiko felt it, his heart felt it and it hurts so much.

"I'm sorry, Usagi-san."

The young man stormed out of the room leaving Akihiko wide-eyed as memories flooded him like flood water from a broken dam.

_Usagi-san._

That familiar pet name. That voice calling him.

_Usagi-san, I love you._

Tears began rolling down his cheeks as a sudden pain rushed through his chest. He fell on his knees clutching his throbbing head.

He knew him… very well.

Guilt.

Confusion.

Pain.

How did he forget the person he loved the most?

Why did he forget?

"Misaki," the name tasted bittersweet. _I must've caused him so much pain for forgetting._

"Misaki…"

**xxx**

_I'm pretty happy with how my life was going until I saw you._

Akihiko's cool voice resonated in Misaki's mind. If only he knew that he'd be causing him trouble, he wouldn't have gone to that stupid book signing. He should've refrained himself from seeing him again. Tears flowed from his eyes and down his cheeks while his chest felt like exploding.

_Now you got me confused._

He ran as fast as he could, away from Akihiko, away from the man he had loved for so many years. It was painful for him to do so, but he wanted what's best for Akihiko. And, if it means that he wouldn't see the man again or hear his voice or feel his warm embrace, then he's willing to do that - all for the sake of Akihiko.

**xxx**

Akihiko ran out of the condo, calling Misaki's name, searching. He searched frantically all over the building, in the hallways, on the parking lot. But, there was no sign of his beloved. He drove his car all night and all over the city in hopes of finding him in the streets, but still his efforts are in vain. Misaki was nowhere to be found.

When morning came, he went back to the condo, hoping that Misaki had gone back. But, he was greeted by an empty apartment. He slumped on the pink sofa in the living room, exhausted. His mind was full of questions that only Misaki can answer.

_Why did he run away?_

_Where was he when I was just recovering?_

_Why didn't he try to make me remember about him?_

_Why did he lie to me when I asked him who he is?_

Thoughts like that flooded his mind and got him more confused. and it didn't help that his headache was worsening for lack of sleep.

"A friend of Haruhiko, huh?"

He grumbled as he remembered Misaki's excuse for being in the condo. _Haruhiko?_

He felt his chest tightened. What could have happened in all those years that he wasn't beside Misaki? He doesn't want to think negatively. He has to clear things out first. And maybe, just maybe, his brother has answers for his questions.

He readily stood up from the couch, walked out of the condo and into his car with a certain destination – to Haruhiko.

**Pretty short, I know. Gomen. But, I think this is just what this chapter is for. If you find it nonsense, please tell me. I'll make it up to you in the next chapter.**

**Please review and thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

**Thank you for all the reviews… I'm happy that this story is appreciated.**

**Chapter 7**

Akihiko drove to their mansion as fast as he could with the goal of talking smoothly with Haruhiko. But, the moment he saw his brother, his blood boiled by the thought that the very man in front of him had hidden the truth about his past for three years.

He punched Haruhiko square on the face. Haruhiko stumbled back and fell on the floor, surprised at his brother's sudden attack.

"Why…" He gritted his teeth, anger rising inside him. "Why did you keep Misaki away from me? Three years… for three years you've hidden the truth from me! Why!"

"Akihiko," was all Haruhiko could say. How could he tell him when he had promised Misaki to keep everything a secret from his brother? He had carried the guilt for three long years just to fulfill his promise to Misaki. He knew it would hurt his younger brother once the truth came out. But, it was Misaki's decision to stay away from Akihiko.

"Say something…" Akihiko's grip loosened as he said those words, as if begging for an explanation. In a weak voice, he said, "I've trusted you… with everything. Do you know how much it hurts to find out that I've been living a lie for the past three years?" Tears blurred his vision as he remembered Misaki, as he thought of the things that his former lover might have gone through while he was away.

"WHERE IS HE, HARUHIKO?"

Akihiko was about to launch another punch to his brother's face when his father's voice boomed throughout the living room.

"AKIHIKO, STOP!"

Akihiko flinched a bit but this didn't stop him from connecting his fist once again with his Haruhiko's face. He was able to land to more punches while his brother didn't fight back. Even as Tanaka and fuyuhiko pulled him away from the older Usami, he still struggled, trying to hit his brother.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Fuyuhiko asked, worry etched on his face.

"You tell me." Akihiko retorted as he glared to his father. "Tell me. How did you make Misaki run away from me? What sort of tricks did you do, huh?"

"You remember now?" Fuyuhiko blurted.

Akihiko laughed bitterly. "You wish I didn't?"

"No… no… of course not. How could you think that way?"

"You mean, how could I not? You've hidden everything about **Misaki** from me!"

"It was Misaki's decision." Fuyuhiko said with a straight face.

"Misaki would never do that! He loves me…" Akihiko's voice faltered at the last words as doubt started to creep in. _Misaki loved me, right?_ He thought as he tried to remember everything about their relationship. But, he couldn't get a definite answer. All that was clear was the image of that kiss under the lamp post. Everything else was blurry images that Akihiko couldn't make out. He felt his head ache as he tried to remember. Then everything turned to white and all he could hear was his father's voice calling his name.

Hours later, he woke up in his room. His father was sitting beside his bed with a worried expression. His brother was on the couch at the corner of the room, also eyeing him with concern.

"Akihiko…"

Akihiko sat up, clutching his head. "What happened to me?" he mumbled.

"You fainted. The doctor said it was due to fatigue. Akihiko, don't push yourself too much. He said your memories will come back bit by bit."

"Misaki… I have to find him…" he said weakly.

"Akihiko, I think it's about time we tell you everything." His father paused for a while, as if finding the right words to use. Haruhiko looked out the window.

"Misaki loves you, we know that. It's the very reason why he decided to stay away from you. It was his idea to keep everything about him a secret."

Akihiko could not believe what his father had said. _Misaki wanted to stay away from me?_He felt his chest tightened again, a lump forming in his throat, making it hard to swallow.

He uttered an almost inaudible "Why?"

Akihiko gazed back at his father, wanting to find lies in his father's words. Seeking for a little hope that Misaki would never do such a thing. But he was met with Fuyuhiko's solemn look. It felt like there was so much pain that his father had been holding.

"Because of the accident… Misaki's slowly becoming blind." His father whispered.

Akihiko felt his world collapsed as his father uttered those words. His Misaki suffered for years alone. That's all Akihiko could think of, he wasn't able to comprehend anything after that.

**XXX**

For a month, Akihiko searched for Misaki. The day that his father told him everything, he and Haruhiko immediately went to where Misaki lived. But, when they reached the address, the Takahashi family had already moved out, leaving no trace as to where. It had been a week before his brother got news that the Takahashi's went to Osaka.

Akihiko tirelessly searched the town, but, he couldn't find Misaki. He would've resorted using the media, but, it would cause more trouble than good.

While he searched, he would often think: _What is Misaki doing now? Is he thinking of me?_

Slowly, he remembered everything, from the kiss under the lamp post to Misaki's declaration of love. Every afternoon, he goes to the park near the hotel where he's staying, with little hope that he might come across his beloved.

Today was no different; he went to the usual park and gazed at the orange-stained sky. He wondered if Misaki could see it right now. _Or is he blind already? _His chest tightened as he thought of this. He wanted to see him as soon as possible, be able to comfort him if he's feeling lonely. Hold him tightly if he's cold.

He felt someone sit beside him, but he didn't care to look. His train of thoughts was interrupted by muffled sobs. Akihiko's eyes grew wide at what he heard next.

"Usagi-san… I love you…"

Slowly, he turned his gaze to the man sitting beside him. There he was, his beloved Misaki, staring blankly at the sky. His usual lustrous green eyes were hazy. Tears were streaming down his thin, rosy cheeks. He just watched, unable to form words. He felt like he was just having a dream. Unknown to him, tears were also flowing from his eyes.

"Are you alright?" was all he could say. He had imagined this happening, but, he didn't really expect it. He never expected that it would be Misaki who would find him. He noticed that Misaki's face had gone paler, like he had recognized his voice. This made him a bit happy, knowing that the younger male had not forgotten him.

Without looking at him, Misaki answered nervously, "Yeah… I'm alright…"

As if he was in a trance, he reached out for the younger man's face and wiped his cold tears. Misaki, on the other hand, backed away and stood up, his walking stick on his hand. Then he scowled at Akihiko, "Don't go touching strangers, you pervert!"

Akihiko knew it was feigned anger, but he couldn't help but feel a slight pang in his heart with Misaki's reaction. He hadn't gone this far to lose his lover again. So before Misaki could run away, he wrapped his arms around Misaki's lithe body, tightly pulled him into a hug. He felt his heart pound loudly against his chest as he inhaled the younger male's familiar scent, that scent that he had been dreaming of for years. He knew deep inside, that, by heart, he hadn't forgotten him.

Painfully yet lovingly, he uttered, "Misaki, I'm sorry it took three years for me to remember. Please, don't run away from me again."

One more chapter and we're through! Thank you for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

**Chapter 8**

The first time he said "I love you" to Akihiko was when they were riding the Ferris wheel. What was the color of the sky that night? Black? Deep purple? Were there stars? He couldn't remember. If only he knew that he won't be able to see that same sky again, he should've paid attention to every detail of it. All he could remember was the feeling of Akihiko's cold hand entwined with his.

Akihiko has cold hands. What amazes Misaki was how those cold hands could bring him warmth, that warmth that he missed for three years. He wasn't expecting to feel that warmth again, wasn't expecting to feel his former lover's hand stroking his face, to feel his comforting embrace again.

"_Misaki, I'm sorry it took three years for me to remember. Please, don't run away from me again."_ Akihiko's words echoed in his head. Like a dream, he was with him, right at that moment when his world turned into a sea of blackness.

Slowly, Misaki opened his eyes. Darkness greeted him. _Is the light off? _He thought.

For the past years, he's always afraid to wake up in the dark. Often times, he would panic, thinking that he couldn't see anymore. But, right now, it felt different. He thought maybe it's because of the familiar cold hands holding him.

"Misaki," Akihiko breathed his name.

"W-what happened?" his voice broke. He intended to make it sound strong but he failed.

"You fainted."

He felt the older man squeezed his hand. He couldn't see his face but he could hear the pain in Akihiko's voice.

"It's a good thing Takahiro came."

"Usag- I mean Usami-san, could you turn on the light?"

There was no answer from the author. There wasn't even an inch of movement.

The brunette slowly sat up. With agony in his voice he said, "Please." His heart was racing wildly. The fear that he tried to contain for a long time was starting to escape. But, he couldn't just face the reality. He held a small hope in his heart that he was wrong. That maybe the light was just off, that Akihiko was playing tricks on him. He pleaded again and again until the author let go of his hand. For a moment, he smiled, relieved that he was right. That it was dark because there's no light and not because he's already blind. But, his smile faded when he felt Akihiko wrap his arms around him. Instead of feeling comforted, he panicked. He tried to block the thought that the light was already on.

"W-what the hell is wrong with you?" Misaki's breathing turned ragged. He jerked, attempting to free himself from the blonde's embrace, but his lover was far stronger than him. He sent punch after punch on Akihiko's back. But still, he didn't let him go.

"I SAID TURN ON THE LIGHT! TURN ON THE LIGHT!" He shouted, giving all his strength to back away.

"Misaki," Akihiko once again breathed out his name, his breath penetrated through the fabrics of his sweater. "Misaki…"

Misaki felt warm drops on his shoulder, Akihiko's tears. He dropped his fists weakly, tears streaming down his soft cheeks. For the last attempt to escape the reality he begged, "Usagi-san… please… please turn on the light. Please…"

There was no response. He just felt Akihiko's embrace grew tighter. It broke the walls Misaki had built all those years he was away from the man he loves. Like a child, he wailed, pouring all the fears and loneliness he hid inside him.

Misaki thought that he was ready for this. He had been telling himself that one day he'd be blind, that it was inevitable. But, now that it had happened, he couldn't help but feel hopeless, alone, sad and afraid. He cried until he had no strength left. It took a long while before he calmed down. And, when he did, the first thing that came into his mind is that he had to send Akihiko away.

"I… hate you…" he whispered a lie. With little strength left, he pushed the older man away. "Go away… I… hate… you."

The author didn't let go though. He held on to the brunette, hugging tighter as he was pushed away.

"I won't go away. I'll stay beside you even if you don't want me to."

Akihiko's voice sipped into every fiber of Misaki's being. Deep inside him, he had wanted to hear those words. But, he never wanted to burden the man. He doesn't want the man he loves to be tied to the responsibility of taking care of him.

"I love you, Misaki."

"I don't…" he managed to say despite feeling weak for all the crying and shouting. He was again slipping into unconsciousness but he was fighting hard not to, determined to push his love away.

_If I show weakness in front of Usagi-san_, he thought, _he'd want to stay all the more. _If he'll have to say hurtful words, he will just so Akihiko would stay away from him and live normally. He mustered all his guts and uttered painful words which had hurt him more than it had hurt Akihiko. "I hate you, Usagi-san… Why would I… want to stay with you… when you're the reason I'm blind… go – way… don't need… your… pity."

His last words were barely audible, but he knew Akihiko had heard it. Out of energy to fight, he unwillingly closed his eyes and succumbed to sleep.

He fell into a dream where it was dark and raining. Standing on a highway, he watched as policemen and medical aides rushed to a crashed car. His heart was racing as he saw a body being pulled out of it. Slowly, he walked to the scene and as he came near, he realized who the man was. It was Akihiko, covered in blood. His face was pale.

Misaki kept telling himself that it can't be happening. He reached out for the body but his hands just went through it.

"Usagi-san! Usagi-san!" He called, but his voice couldn't reach him anymore.

**XXX**

Misaki woke up from his dream, panting. His ears were filled with the heavy pattering of rain on his roof. There were occasional claps of thunder and his dark world was flooded with faint light from time to time. He was so scared that he unconsciously called out Akihiko's name. But, there was no response.

"Usagi-san!" he called out again while his hands searched beside him. He was met with an empty space. It was then that he realized he was alone.

_He left? _

"Usagi-san!"

_He left me. _There was an awful pain in his chest and a lump formed in his throat as the thought struck him. He did tell the man to leave after all. But, he didn't want anything bad to happen to him. The thought of Akihiko being involved in a car accident, the thought of him being dead, had made Misaki panick. He clumsily stood up and ended falling on the floor as he called out for Akihiko over and over again. He struggled through the darkness, bumping into chairs and tables, breaking glasses and vases as he made his way out of his apartment.

For the first time since his parents died, Misaki had wanted to be selfish. He wanted to go after Akihiko, beg him to stay beside him.

He managed to get out of his apartment and into the rain. Not minding the droplets soaking into his clothes and the coldness of the earth against his bare feet, he wandered outside without really seeing or knowing where he's going.

**XXX**

"Takahiro, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about our relationship. And, I'm sorry Misaki's like this. If not for that accident…" Akihiko said, looking at Takahiro straight in the eyes. "I… love your brother more than anything else in this world."

After Misaki had fallen asleep, he decided to talk to Takahiro who was just living right next to Misaki's apartment. He wanted to settle everything between him and his best friend. It might be three years late and he doesn't know what the other man would say, but, he reckoned he'll have to talk to him sooner or later. He'd do anything anyway so Takahiro would consider him as his brother's lover.

He held the cup of coffee his best friend had laid in front of him. Takahiro had a warm smile all the while which somehow comforted Akihiko.

"Akihiko."

The author felt weird as his best friend called him by his name. It only happens when Takahiro's being serious.

"Don't blame yourself. As you've said, it was an accident."

You know, I think I've known about you and my brother long before the accident. I just couldn't find the courage to ask." Takahiro looked down on his own cup, pausing for a long time. "Misaki smiles often when he's with you. He'd never been that happy since our parents died. It's enough that you make my brother happy for me to accept you. Akihiko, are you sure you want to take him?"

"Takahiro…" was all he could say. He wasn't really sure why his best friend would ask that kind of question.

"It's a big responsibility – taking care of Misaki. That's the reason why he stayed away from you. He… didn't want to be a burden."

"I know it would be difficult. But, I'm ready for it. I can't live without your brother… without Misaki. I'm willing to do everything just to keep him beside me."

"Usag – "

Takahiro was cut off by the faint sound of shattering glasses from next door. It could barely be heard due to the noise of the heavy rain.

Akihiko readily stood as he heard his name being called by his young lover. In seconds, he was already out the door. In the rain, he saw Misaki, soaking wet, calling out for him. His heart shattered at the sight of his lover struggling in his dark little world.

"Misaki!" He shouted to call the young man's attention, hoping that it would make him stop. But, it seemed like his voice was drowned in the rain's pattering. He panicked as he heard a car coming while Misaki wandered dangerously near the street. He ran as fast as he could, pulling Misaki out of the car's way in time.

He painfully groaned as his butt hit the pavement while Misaki was tucked safely in his arms.

"Idiot! What do you think you're doing? You almost got yourself killed!"

"Usagi-san?"

Thin arms wrapped around his torso while he felt his beloved's warm breath penetrated into the fabric of his shirt, face buried in his chest.

"Usagi-san… Usagi-san…" Misaki called out his name over and over again, breathing heavily as he did. He couldn't see Misaki's tears, but Akihiko knew he was crying. And, he felt sorry for not being there in all those times that he had cried.

"Misaki! Usagi!" It was Takahiro rushing to their side. "You okay?"

"I'm okay." He turned to the younger Takahashi. "Misaki, are you hurt?"

The brunette slightly shook his head. Akihiko lifted him and brought him inside the apartment. After Takahiro had helped him in drying Misaki up and putting some new clothes, the older Takahashi had left the lovers on their own so they could talk in private.

The two found themselves sitting quietly on Misaki's bed. Akihiko was leaning on the headboard while Misaki's head rested on his chest. For a long time, they stayed quiet, like none of them know what to say or have the courage to speak up.

In that moment, Akihiko contemplated on how small Misaki felt in his arms. The brunette was small compared to other men of his age, but he had never felt as fragile as he was now. There was also a solemn expression on his face.

As far as Akihiko could remember, his beloved had always been cheerful and energetic. He would often smile and there was a glint in his emerald eyes that never fades. The glint wasn't there anymore, but, for Akihiko, he was still as beautiful as before.

"Misaki…" The name rolled sweetly in his tongue. He loves to say it over and over again. "You're not eating well, are you?"

He would've punched himself for that question. _I've searched for a month just to ask him if he hadn't been eating well? What a stupid question… _He thought.

"W-what?"

"You're thin. I think thinner than what I remember." He let out a small chuckle.

"Usagi-san, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those words. I don't hate you."

"I diot, do you really think I believed you when you said you hate me?" he chuckled, not really waiting for an answer. "There's a young man that's always standing on the doorstep of my apartment every night, like he's waiting for me to come. That person wouldn't be standing there if he hated me, don't you think?

"You knew?"

"Haruhiko had told me everything. I should be the one apologizing. I wasn't there when you needed me most."

"It wasn't your fault. Everything was meant to happen. Maybe destiny tested us?"

Akihiko just smiled. He never thought he'd hear something about destiny from his little lover.

"I love you, Misaki. I won't let anything keep us apart again."

"U-usagi-san…" Misaki tensed. Akihiko rubbed his hand on the other man's thin arms, encouraging him to continue. "I… I want to touch you."

Akihiko's smile turned to smirk. "Oh, you missed me that much to say something like that, huh? Of course you can touch me. In any way you like." He said smugly.

"You're still a perverted old man! That's not what I meant!"

"And now you're calling me old? Do you want me to prove to you that I'm still as capable of pleasuring you as I was three years ago?"

"Usagi-san! I'm serious here." Misaki freed himself from the older man's embrace and faced him, his two hands roaming from Akihiko's chest then up to his face. His fingers traced the contours of the author's handsome face. He smiled at the feeling of Akihiko's skin in his hands. "Still feels the same as before."

Without a warning, he cupped Akihiko's face and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

If Misaki could see, he would've seen the very rare surprised expression on Akihiko's face. he imagined it though, and it made him giggle.

"That was…"

"What? You didn't like it?" There was a slight disappointment in Misaki's voice.

"No. It's quite the contrary." Akihiko claimed his lover's thin lips, giving a deep lustful kiss. He didn't stop until both of them were out of breath and t their lips swollen. "You made me so fuckin' hard right now."

A blush tinted the brunettes pale cheeks. Akihiko thought it was beautiful. He pushed Misaki to the bed and hovered upon him.

"Misaki," he held his little lover's hand and put it on his chest. "You feel how fast my heart is beating?"

When Misaki nodded, Akihiko continued. "That's how much I want you right now."

Blushing madly, Misaki said it was okay. Akihiko laughed and asked what he meant by okay.

"Baka! You know what I meant!"

"I don't. You have to tell me." Akihiko teased.

"Tell me Misaki." He whispered so closed to his lover's ear, letting his breath tickle the man beneath him. "What do you want me to do?"

"Y-you can do anything you want to do with me."

"Anything?"

Misaki answered "Yes, anything" while he clutched onto Akihiko's broad torso. "Anything"

Akihiko smiled then kissed Misaki passionately. He had missed the sight of Misaki shivering, panting, and moaning beneath him. Amidst the rain outside and inside the warmth of Misaki's little room, they made love, making up for the past three years.

They have not plan of what should be done for the future yet. They'll do it. _Maybe tomorrow, _Akihiko thought. No matter what, he knew nothing would keep them apart now.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>Hey everyone! Sorry it took me long to update. laptop's broken. So... updates take long. Thank you for supporting this fiction. So, what do you think? I was planning to post an epilogue. Or is this enough? Tell me your thoughts.

Thank you for the reviews and the favorites and the alerts! I appreciate all of them. If not for you, I wouldn't be able to finish this. so thank you from the bottom of my heart! :)


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